Episode 86: 5 Discoveries as You Close 2020 & Welcome a New Year

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Dr. Melissa Smith 0:00
So how are you feeling about saying goodbye to 2020? Are you sad to see it go? Yeah, right. But before you say goodbye to 2020, I’ve got a little invitation for you.

Dr. Melissa Smith 0:15
Hi, I’m Dr. Melissa Smith. Welcome to the Pursue What Matters Podcast, where we focus on what it takes to thrive in love and work. So as we prepare to say goodbye to 2020, I think it is safe to say that everyone is ready to be done with 2020. But before 2020 ends, did you get what you needed from 2020? Right 2020 has had a lot for us, there’s no doubt about it. But did you learn the lessons that 2020 had to offer you? Now, don’t get me wrong 2020 has been rough for so many of us. And I do not want to minimize that for one minute. But with every challenge, there are also opportunities if we have eyes to see.

Dr. Melissa Smith 1:23
So this is where we think about resilience. resilient people see the gifts in the challenges, resilient people learn the lessons in the hardships, resilient people find a way to be grateful, even in difficult times. And so I am not talking about seeing the world through rose colored glasses. And that would be so difficult to do this year. But I am talking about taking a few minutes before 2020 ends, and making sure that you are able to uncover some good. And you may be surprised by what you discover, when you start looking as though this can be a nice way to kind of book end your 2020 before you move on to 2021. So this is going to be a really short podcast today. But I hope you will take the time and accept my invitation to take a little time and reflect on some of the discovery, some of the gifts, some of the lessons of 2020.

Dr. Melissa Smith 2:35
And of course each week with the podcasts, my goal is to help you pursue what matters. To help you strengthen your confidence to lead I try to do that in one of three ways to help you lead with clarity to help you lead with curiosity, which is all about strengthening yourself awareness and to help you lead a community. And this week, the podcast is really focused on helping you strengthen your clarity and your curiosity to really help you increase your self awareness and your clarity about what matters and developing perspective because those who are able to develop perspective and insight and awareness are those who will thrive and those who go on to become resilient. And there have been lots of opportunities to develop resilience, resilience in 2020. And so it is a choice, resilience is a choice, it doesn’t just happen. You’ve got to harness the lessons, harness the opportunities and make the most of the challenges. And so we’ve all been hit with the challenges, some more than others for sure. But it is your choice, whether you glean the lessons.

Dr. Melissa Smith 3:50
And so my invitation for you today is to take some time and reflect and discover what some of those lessons might be for you. And so like I said, it’s a short podcast today, because of course, it’s the holidays. And hopefully you’re enjoying some great time with those you love the most. But I want you to focus on five discoveries. So I hope you will take some time and reflect on this. And so discovery, one that I want to invite you to. So discovery one is something you learned about yourself this year, take some time and reflect on something you learned about yourself this year. And so for each of these, I will share an example for myself.

Dr. Melissa Smith 4:37
So something that I learned about myself this year is that I can make good decisions under pressure. And I know that that is not true for some people. But that’s something you know, I think I knew that about myself. But that really that really hit home for me this year because I was really forced to make a lot of decisions under pressure this year, whether that was related to the pandemic, whether it was related to my business and, you know, decisions to move to telehealth, and, you know, all these all these decisions related to my business. And what has really hit home for me, something that I learned more and more about myself this year, is I can make good decisions under pressure, I have good self awareness and insight. And this is what I’m really, really happy about is that I trust myself. And that’s felt really good this year, when there has been so much uncertainty. And so that is something that I’ve learned about myself this year. And so that’s discovery. Number one, something you learned about yourself this year.

Dr. Melissa Smith 5:52
Okay, so now on to discovery number two, something you learned about others. So this might be loved ones, this might be people you work with, this might be strangers, this might be neighbors. So discovery, number two, something you’ve learned about others. And so I will give you an example from my own life. So something that I learned about others, we are all doing the best we can. But here’s the thing, we all have different perspectives. And we are operating on different sources of information to make our decisions. And so one of the things that I’ve really learned and has really come home for me this year, is that we’ve got to respect those differences. We need to seek understanding, and we need to withhold judgment. So one of the things that I really learned more and more this year, is people that I even are, you know, I’m very, very close to, and really felt like I had a good understanding of some of their perspectives, I didn’t have a clue. And so rather than assuming that I understood where they were coming from, or that I knew their perspective on something, I just, I really needed to be humble. And I really needed to seek understanding and withhold judgment. And so you know, having an appreciation that we’re all doing the best that we can, but we have different perspectives, we’re operating on different sources of information to make our decisions is so important. And that’s something that’s been very helpful, and has really been an important lesson for me personally, this year.

Dr. Melissa Smith 7:38
Okay, so now on to discovery number three, so a life lesson that you want to carry with you. So this is a life lesson you learned in 2020, that you want to carry with you beyond this year. And so a life lesson for me this year is wow. And this is a big one is we can be so much more nimble than we give ourselves credit for Come on people look how we have been able to be flexible in the midst of a global pandemic. I mean, there are so many things that, you know, globally, within our society, within our states, within our communities within our organizations, where we said we can’t do this. And then we’re hit with a global pandemic. And it’s like, you know what, Yes, we can. And so we can be so much more nimble than we give ourselves credit for. And so instead of asking, Why begin asking, why not. And so 2020 has taught us that we can be flexible, and we can make things happen in new ways. And I love that because, you know, I’ve often said, it’s so much easier to say no, than to say yes. And one of the things that 2020 has taught us is find a way to get to yes. And in many respects, we’ve had to do that, because we’ve had to find a way to be economically viable, we’ve had to find a way to keep our businesses open, we’ve had to find a way to support people and to do our work to support our families to get our kiddos to school. And so we can be a way more flexible, way more nimble than we ever have given ourselves credit for. And so that has been a really valuable life lesson that I definitely want to carry with me. And so I think that has so many important implications for us both, you know, personally, organizationally, and you know, for our society as a whole. So that’s a great lesson for me.

Dr. Melissa Smith 9:45
And then discovery number four. So a life lesson that you want to leave at the door of 2020. Thank you very much. So this is a life lesson that you learned in 2020 but you’re like done with it and So you’ve kind of had enough, and you learn the lesson, but you just you’d like to leave it here. Now, you’d like to leave it here at 2020. And isn’t that the truth for some of the life lessons that we learned is that they’re valuable, they have their place. But you don’t really want to carry them with you, because they’re hard, and they’re painful, and they’re difficult to carry. And so let me give you an example. For me as it as it relates to a life lesson. So one of the things that I have noticed, and I know this, I’ve certainly seen this as a psychologist and as a leadership coach, but boy, I saw it in color. And I saw it in real life here in 2020, as I’m sure you did, too. But when stress hits, folks get polarized so fast, we get tunnel vision, we lose perspective. And if we are not careful, we start pointing fingers and blaming one another. And so what happens, and certainly what I saw in 2020, is that people begin operating from fear and from scarcity. And of course, this never leads to good decisions. And of course, it also erodes trust, and goodwill. And so one of the things that I saw with this is that it just led to a loss of civil discourse, especially here in the US. And I just feel heartbroken about that. And so it’s certainly a lesson, I think, for so many of us. And my hope is that we can learn the lesson. I think some of this is the impact of stress. I think it’s bigger than that, I think, right? We have a history, or history of race, and other issues for sure. So I’m not trying to say that this is just the impact of stress, because I totally understand that it’s bigger than that. But this is a painful lesson. And what I want to leave at the door of 2020 is the polarized way that we interact, what I want to leave at the at the door of 2020 is the finger pointing the blaming, what I want to leave at the door of 2020 is operating from fear and scarcity, which leads to poor decisions, which leads to an erosion of trust, and goodwill. And so I want to carry the lessons. But I want to leave some of those those themes at the door of 2020 the operating from fear and scarcity. And that’s been, I think, a painful lesson that we have had in 2020. That you know, so many of us have been impacted by. And so that’s discovery for that’s an example from my own life. And I hope that you will take the time to consider a life lesson that you want to leave at the door of 2020. So maybe it was a painful lesson. And there were some there were some hard parts of that that you need to leave at the door of 2020.

Dr. Melissa Smith 13:15
And then discovery five. So this is the fifth one, the fifth and final one, something you are grateful for. We know that gratitude is something that contributes to resilience. It is such an important practice, and something that we need to be practicing every single day. So discovery five, something you are grateful for. And of course, I will share an example from my own life. So I am so incredibly grateful that my team and I have been able to function fairly unimpeded. Despite the challenges of 2020, we were really able to transition to telehealth without missing a beat. And part of that is because we were well prepared. And so that was some of our good work in advance made that happen.

Dr. Melissa Smith 14:10
But we’re also very fortunate. We’ve been able to serve our clients and really contribute in meaningful ways. We’ve also been able to reach new people in positive and you know, purpose driven ways and I am so grateful for that opportunity and trust and I recognize that there are so many of you out there that have not been that fortunate that you know, your businesses and your companies and your jobs have been jeopardized. And that is it’s heartbreaking. And that kind of uncertainty is such a painful place to be. And so, you know, I just I want to acknowledge that it is a such a hard place to be and I am really deeply grateful for the opportunity that I have, and that my team has had to be able to show up for people. Because in the work that we do, we’re showing up for people who are in the midst of these kinds of challenges who are dealing with these kinds of uncertainties and these kinds of stressors who don’t know what they’re going to do, and who are dealing with work challenges and life challenges. And it really is a privilege. And so I’m so deeply grateful that we’ve been able to show up and do that work for people every single day. And I recognize that not everyone has been able to do that. And I really do consider that a gift, and a privilege.

Dr. Melissa Smith 15:51
And so I hope that you will take some time and go through these five discoveries, it will make you a more grateful person, it will help you to become a more resilient person. And I think it will help you to start 2021 on the right foot. So we want to be cautious about not having unrealistic expectations about Okay, we’ve got 2020 out of the way. Now 2021 is going to be awesome, because here’s the thing, we just don’t know. And so we always want to manage expectations. We want to have optimism, we want to have hope. But we also want to be realistic. And I think as you take some time, and you reflect on the lessons. And you know, you reflect on what you have learned, and the growth that you have that that you have developed over this time. It’s so helpful because it helps you to develop perspective, and then you’re not at the mercy of you know, whatever 2021 brings, and that is empowering. And that is something that helps you to be on solid ground because you are creating a solid foundation for yourself. And so again, very quickly, the five discoveries, discovery one something you learned about yourself, discovery to something you learned about others, discovery three, a life lesson that you want to carry with you, discovery four a life lesson that you want to leave at the door of 2020 Thank you very much. Thank you for the lesson, now we’re done. And discovery five, something you are grateful for.

Dr. Melissa Smith 17:39
And, you know, I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you for listening and for being a part of the podcast each week. Of course, you know, my goal is to help you pursue what matters. And, you know, I take that responsibility seriously and I hope it’s helpful for you each week. I also hope you have a lovely holiday season and that you spend it with those you love the most. So make sure you head on over to my website to check out the show notes with all the great resources for this episode www.drmelissasmith.com/episode-86 one more time that’s www.drmelissasmith.com/episode-86 I’m Dr. Melissa Smith. Remember love and work, work and love. That’s all there is. Until next time, take good care.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai