Episode 70: Perfectionism

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Dr. Melissa Smith 0:00
Today I’m talking about the 20 ton shield so many of us carry around every single day trying to protect ourselves from hurt, rejection and negative feedback. And it’s really weighing us down.

Dr. Melissa Smith 0:38
Hi, I’m Dr. Melissa Smith, welcome to the pursue what matters podcast where we focus on what it takes to thrive in love and work. perfectionism,it is a plague. And it is really undermining so many of us as high achieving women. Of course, women are not the only ones affected by perfectionism. There are some great men out there, who are also affected by perfectionism. We have gotten so good at doing what is expected of us that we have lost sight with what we want, what we care about, and who we even are. And it has got to stop. So Renee brown describes perfectionism as a 20 ton shield that we carry around to protect ourselves from our fear of rejection and hurt.

Dr. Melissa Smith 1:36
How’s that 2010 Shield going? Getting tired of it? Yeah. Maybe you believe if you’re perfect, you can control others perceptions of you. Maybe you believe if you’re perfect, you can protect yourself from hurt. Maybe you even like standing apart from others. Although, of course, this can get pretty lonely. But here’s the thing, you cannot control. No matter how hard you try. You cannot control others perceptions of you. No matter how perfect you are, you don’t have that kind of control. And what we know is that perfectionism actually leads to disconnection, not connection. So we tend to perfect because we’re 10. We’re trying to look to avoid rejection. We want connection, we’re desperate for connection. But we end up creating the very thing we’re trying to avoid. Right? So we create a self fulfilling prophecy of rejection. Because people end up being intimidated by us. Oh, that’s when I’m like pom pom slap to the forehead, it’s so not helpful. So in the end, you end up hurt, you end up alone, you end up projected the very things you’re trying to avoid. Often with perfectionism, we settle for a cheap imitation of connection, which is admiration. So we end up settling for, you know, standing apart from others. Others may admire you. Maybe they even fallen after you. They might ask how do you do what you do, but they don’t necessarily want to connect with you. And maybe they don’t even admire you. People will still find a way to judge people will still find a way to attack her and tear you down. being perfect is no protection against the criticisms of other people. But the biggest point, the most important point is perfection is not a thing. It doesn’t exist despite your best efforts. So today, I want to talk about perfectionism. I want to explain the problem of perfectionism. And I want to provide some solutions. So I hope you’ll stick with me. The best imagery that I have found for perfectionism is the pedestal. So I think it is so fitting in so many ways. So think about that pedestal, the pedestal of perfection. And when you’re up there on that pedestal, there can be a lot of pressure. There are a lot of eyes on you. Some of those eyes are admiring you. Like I just said, some of those eyes may be very critical. But everyone is watching you and when you’re on On the pedestal, you can’t necessarily see what’s going on with everyone down below. You can’t talk to them, and you can’t connect to them. Because you’re up above on that pedestal removed from everyone else. Many of us unwittingly gets stuck on the pedestal of perfectionism as a way of trying to feel good enough. And then once we’re up there, we are stuck. It’s precarious. It’s lonely, and we feel totally stuck and alone, there’s no easy way to climb down, it feels like we’re going to crash and burn, or at the very least disappoint all of our admirers, and maybe ourselves as well. So being up on the pedestal is a really hard way to live. But this might be the hardest reason. When we are on that pedestal of perfection, we can’t connect with others, we connect with others on the level down on the ground, in our vulnerability in our authenticity. Right? If you just think about the imagery of the pedestal, you can’t connect. Another setting imagery for perfectionism is the stage.

Dr. Melissa Smith 6:17
When you’re up there performing on the stage, people are watching you people are admiring you. But it’s actually hard to connect is hard, is hard to actually be with someone. Because we connect on the level we connect in the seats. We connect offstage. So you cannot present yourself as perfect and maintain genuine connections. It’s not possible. You cannot always be in control and be authentic. So that’s the real truth about perfectionism. So my question for you is this do you want to be admired? Or do you want to connect, because again, we connect in vulnerability, there are no guarantees, you will feel scared. That’s why it’s called vulnerability. It will always feel scary, or it’s not vulnerability. And of course, we know from Bernie Brown, that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. So vulnerability is the birthplace of all the good stuff. All the good stuff in life comes from being able to be real, and vulnerable, which is the opposite of perfectionism. But of course, there’s so much fear about abandoning perfectionism, one of the fears that I hear a lot of when I’m working with high achieving leaders, because, boy, there are a lot of perfectionist in leadership. I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t know already. But the fear is often some version of, you know, Will I lose my sense of achievement? Will I not set goals anymore? Will I not be successful? If I abandon perfectionism, what will help me be successful? And honestly, I think the underlying fear or the subtext is I’m just gonna be like a slug on the couch. If I don’t have perfectionism and self criticism, driving me and motivating me. So perfectionist, often believe that they must claim to perfectionism in order to be successful. That here is the truth. And it’s borne out in lots of research, perfectionist actually tend to be less successful. Because they fear failure. And so they only set goals where they’re reasonably assured of success. And so you know, all I’ll say more about this. But here’s the thing, there is an alternative. And the alternative leads to more happiness, more success, higher achievement, and a way better way to live your life. So let’s jump in to some solutions. Okay, so I want to offer you an alternative to perfectionism. Because whenever I begin to have a conversation with individuals about abandoning their perfection, perfectionism, they’re like, what are you kidding me? It’s like, I’m asking them to jump off a cliff without any parachute. And so I’ll tell you what I tell them, which is I have, I have a parachute for you, you know, and you’ve got to trust me that I’ve packed the parachute. And it’s gonna work. And you know, I’m still asking you to jump off the cliff or out of the airplane, whichever imagery you prefer. I know they’re both scary.

Dr. Melissa Smith 10:27
But it is going to be scary to abandon perfectionism. But I’m not asking you to abandon perfectionism without embracing an alternative. And so, as I’m asking you to abandon perfectionism, I am asking you to embrace an alternative. And what I’m asking you to embrace is excellence. And I’m not just asking you to take my word for it. Excellence has really great research to back it up. And so I want to walk through the difference between perfectionism and excellence. And we can kind of talk about the research that underpins both of these and why excellence is such a better way to live your life than clinging to perfectionism. Okay, so first of all, with perfectionism, the core belief that underlies perfectionism is never good enough. So it is the scarcity mindset through and through. So this belief of never being good enough really leads to a belief in performing, perfecting, and pretending as a way of earning your worth. And so you know, you’re always on stage, you’re always having to perform, pretend, and perfect, and yet, it’s never good enough. There’s always someone smarter, there’s always someone prettier. There’s always someone more talented. And so when you’re coming from a scarcity mindset, it doesn’t matter how perfect you are, it’s never good enough, it is such a painful way to live your life versus excellence, which is coming from the core belief of always good enough. And this is, of course, the abundance mindset in action. And so this is where self worth is in a vault. And so what do I mean by that, there is nothing that could be done or said that, that can take away from your inherent self worth. So these individuals have a secure foundation of self worth, that propels growth and achievement. And so right achievement becomes about connecting to purpose, and passion, and potential. And the questions really become, what would I like to do? What am I passionate about? Why would I choose to pursue this? Rather than what, you know, what do I have to do, and what’s expected of me. And so the core belief is always good enough. And it’s coming from a place of abundance. Okay, and then the next thing that we want to pay attention to the next factor that we want to pay attention to, is that perfectionist tend to be very extrinsically, motivated or other focused, externally focused. So they are coming from a place of not feeling good enough, right? We’ve already talked about that. They aren’t asking the question, What do I care about? What am I passionate about? Because those questions don’t really matter. What matters is what is acceptable, what do I need to do in order to be loved? What do I need to do in order to be approved of and so perfectionists are always looking outside of themselves, to see what others are doing and how others are looking at them, how others are judging them, or approving of them. And so everything a perfectionist does, is focused outside of themselves. So they’re extrinsically motivated. So what will give me the A will give me the grade what will give me the gold star.

Unknown Speaker 14:43
And it’s not

Dr. Melissa Smith 14:44
because those things are the most important thing to them. But those things that grades the gold stars, the approval are markers of worse to the perfectionist, right. So those Are tokens of worth, versus those who strive for excellence are self focused and intrinsically motivated. So these individuals are value driven. And they know that they are enough and recognize that their beliefs, desires, passions, and sense of purpose, really matter. So this frees them up to turn toward their internal experience, and focus on their needs in determining their path in life. So how they feel about things really matters, what they believe really matters, they respect their passions. And so they pay attention to those stirrings within, and they are intrinsically motivated to pursue their dreams, even if that path is different from others. And so in that way, they’re very intrinsically motivated. They’re self focused, not self absorbed, but self focused in terms of pursuing what matters based on purpose based on passions. So they respect their dreams and make room for them. They were a less what others think, and more about how they can contribute their best gifts. And so it’s actually it’s very self less so right, it’s not self absorbed itself less, because when they can connect to purpose, and that intrinsic motivation, ultimately, they contribute their best gifts to the world. And it ultimately is quite selfless in that way. And so it becomes a virtuous cycle. And that’s pretty incredible. Okay, the next factor that we want to pay attention to, is that perfectionist tend to be very obsessive and rigid in their thinking, there is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things. And if they can just figure out the right way to do things, then their lives will be easier, and they will feel worthy and loved. So that tends to be the belief. So these folks have a lot riding on these rules. And as a result, there’s very little tolerance for deviation from these rules. So a lot of all or nothing thinking. So there are plenty of cognitive distortions for perfectionists. And in contrast, those striving for excellence, are quite flexible in their thinking, and their approach to life. So while they may have a very strong sense of purpose, those striving for excellence can be quite flexible in how they approach life. So they recognize that there are many paths to success, and they challenge the all or nothing thinking at every turn. So they’re flexible thinking helps them to be resilient in the face of challenges. And they’re able to pivot and be creative problem solvers. So they don’t get rigid in their thinking. And, you know, they can be pretty innovative and flexible in their actions, and certainly in their thinking. Okay, so then the next factor that we want to pay attention to, is that perfectionist tend to be guarded and unreachable in relationships. So they approach relationships as though they have something to prove. So think about that, that they’re coming from a place of not feeling good enough. And so it makes sense that they would feel like they have something to prove in relationships. And so from the get go, they may have their guard up. So either they need to please or they need to conquer. So not like the best foundation for how to do relationships necessarily. It’s not a great recipe for connection. So vulnerability can be incredibly dangerous for perfectionist, because if they let themselves be seen, they open themselves up for more attack.

Dr. Melissa Smith 19:20
And then you know, the truth is that even though perfectionist can come across as having it all together, beneath that thin veneer. They can be incredibly fragile to slides from others. So they keep themselves pretty guarded and unreachable in relationships. And here’s the thing, they can be incredibly socially skilled, and so people can feel pretty close to them. But perfectionist tend to peek to keep people always at arm’s length because they can’t let people get too close. Because if they let people get too close, then people might see past the veneer, people might see that they have everything pulled together all the time.

Dr. Melissa Smith 20:12
And so because they tend to be socially skilled, or can be socially skilled, they can be pretty adept at keeping people at arm’s length. And so people don’t always pick up on that distance, initially, but over time, people can kind of feel like, Oh, you know, I feel like this perfectionist friend knows me really well. But I don’t really know her very well. And so relationships can tend to be a bit unbalanced in that respect. So it can be very hard to no perfectionist. So they might give you a little bit of information. But you’re always left wanting more. And you might disclose a lot about yourself. But again, find them unreachable. And so in this way, they tend to control their relationships, rather than really building trust. And so that’s something that you really do want to pay attention to, in relationships, versus those who strive for excellence are approachable and self disclosing in relationships. So these folks are trust builders, they give trust, and they receive trust, they don’t have their wall up, they don’t have anything to hide. And they also don’t apologize for their accomplishments. So they don’t worry that they will be rejected because of their accomplishments, or lack thereof. They bring a sense of belonging with them to their relationships, and they help put others at ease. And that’s like, these are the most comfortable people to be around because they put you at ease, like even if they’re very accomplished, which those who strive for excellence often are very accomplished. But, you know, in a strange way, they put you more at ease, because you don’t ever feel less than when you’re with them. Because, you know, they just right, like they’re at ease. They’re comfortable connecting. They’re very authentic, and they’re warm, and they’re inviting. They’re very approachable in relationships. And when I say self disclosing, it’s, you know, in very appropriate and boundary ways. So then, let’s look at the next factor, which is perfectionist tend to be very sensitive to feedback, right. And this isn’t a big surprise. So because they are coming from that place of not feeling that they are good enough, perfectionist tend to always be looking over their shoulder, ready to be called out for how they’ve messed up. And so of course, this makes them really sensitive to feedback, they can appear brittle and even fragile at times. So for perfectionist achievement is about proving worth. And so in a very real way, feedback is seen as an assault on their worth, rather than something that we all need to improve our efforts. So feedback can often be seen as a dagger to the heart, rather than something to help them grow. versus those who strive for excellence. They are very open to feedback. So they’re committed to excellence in their lives. And they see feedback as a critical component of that process. So they’re hungry for feedback, they seek it out at every opportunity. They welcome opportunities to understand themselves better and are committed to self awareness. So they know they have blind spots, but they don’t feel shame about this. And that I think that’s really the key. They recognize they don’t have it all figured out. And they have compassion for themselves in this. There’s this there’s nothing to be ashamed about in that. They trust others to give them feedback and welcome these opportunities.

Dr. Melissa Smith 24:22
They’re also not undone by failure, but do what they can to learn from mistakes, and stumbles and in this way, they fell forward. So right they use mistakes to propel growth. And so in that respect, they fail forward. And that’s one of the biggest differences between perfectionists and those who strive for excellence and it’s one of the most important reasons that perfectionists fail to achieve their potential. Because they avoid they avoid anything that could lead to failure and so they don’t ever reach their potential, they don’t set goals that will challenge them, they don’t open themselves up for feedback. And so they don’t, they don’t actually ever reach their full potential. And so it’s Oh, it makes me so sad, because the potential is there, but it remains on tapped. Okay, and then the next factor is that perfectionist tend to be very critical and competitive. And so they are all about proving themselves and they see life as a zero sum game. And so someone else’s achievement takes away from them. And their worth, everyone is seen as a competitor, and comparison is the name of the game. So we’re not talking about healthy competition here. Because right, there is absolutely a place for healthy competition. But we’re talking about dog eat dog competition. So if you succeed, somehow, I lose, somehow I am less than. So if you succeed, I lose worth, that’s the kind of unhealthy competition that we’re talking about. And it is disastrous. And so again, like when we think about the, the imagery of the pedestal, and competition, you know, think about that pedestal, there’s only room for one person on the pedestal. And so one, one person’s achievement will knock the perfectionist off that pedestal, and it’s, it is a spectacular crash and burn. And that is really, you know, kind of imagery and the feeling of another person’s achievement, and how that unhealthy competition can be perceived. So another way that this shows up, is that perfectionist tend to be really critical, and judgmental of others, right? Because their self worth is on the line. And they have that spot on the pedestal that they need to protect, and preserve. And so the the sad truth is that perfectionist run the risk of being as hard on others as they are on themselves. And so in this way, perfectionism is incredibly undermining to relationships. And if they’re not careful, what happens is that no one is good enough. And so perfectionism, can, can inflict can inflict its damage on relationships. And it’s, it’s so insidious. And so you, it’s, you really just have to watch that. And so the thing about perfectionism is, it’s never just about the individual, it will, in fact, it will infect those around the perfectionist as well. So in. In contrast, those who strive for excellence are collaborative. So they may be competitive, but it is a healthy competition focused on helping everyone improve and right like we think about work settings, there’s absolutely a place for healthy competition. And so I want to be really clear about that. healthy competition has its place. And so they can, they can definitely be competitive, but it’s focused on helping everyone improve. But those who strive for excellence don’t give into comparisons or judgments. And they’re not threatened by the success of those around them. And that’s what’s really key. So they recognize the value of collaboration, and they recognize that another’s talents will only strengthen their achievements. And that’s, that’s huge. Like

Dr. Melissa Smith 29:18
that’s such a big key. This is also one of the one of the things that totally sets them apart and helps them to be so successful and to reach their potential is their collaborative and so they build really incredible networks of support and collaboration over time.

Dr. Melissa Smith 29:40
So they welcome the gifts of others and embrace the message that a rising tide lifts all boats, right. So they know that they are made better by the accomplishments of those around them. They’re not threatened by the success of others and actually embrace that And you know, want to learn. And by that they want to be learned, they want to learn, sorry, they want to learn, and be strengthened by the accomplishments of others. And so instead of turning away from the accomplishments of others, which perfectionist tend to do, those who strive for excellence actually turn towards the accomplishments of others and say, teach me helped me understand your success. So they embrace that. And so they so right, they have opportunities to collaborate, they have opportunities to be mentored, they have opportunities to grow and to receive feedback. It’s so powerful. And it’s a really important distinction there that sets them apart in very important ways. Okay, and so now, let’s see, I think this is yes, this is the last factor. And it’s a big one. So the last factor where perfectionists differ from those who strive for excellence is with an outcome focused achievement. So

Unknown Speaker 31:20
those who

Dr. Melissa Smith 31:23
struggle with perfectionism are really focused on outcome. So there can be a really interesting dynamic with perfectionist, and it can show up in one of two ways. So I want you to kind of think about this, if perfectionism is a dynamic that you tend to be challenged by. So this dynamic includes either avoidance or hyper productivity. And what I would say is, you might recognize both of these dynamics, and you might move between them over time, because what can happen is you can, you can move into this hyper productivity, dynamic and burn yourself out. And then you move into the avoidance dynamic. So what can happen is that on the one hand, you can see perfectionist who are sometimes paralyzed by fear. So they may use all sorts of style techniques, and avoidance behaviors when fear of failure shows up. But they can be really good at hiding their avoidance. So they’re really good talkers. Right, they present really well. So they’re really good at image. So they put up a good front. And so it’s hard to see what is happening. And that, you know, it’s hard to know what’s happening behind that image is hard to see the avoidance. And it’s hard to see the fear. But they put so much pressure on themselves to do things perfectly, that it can be so incredibly difficult for them to ever get started on a project. And so in this way, they might not take on big challenges out of the fear of failure, and so they don’t reach their full potential. Right. So I’ve already mentioned that throughout. I’ve kind of mentioned it a few times. And so these are the avoiders. But they can put up a good front. They can talk big, but they they’re scared. And they’ve put too much pressure on themselves. And because they’re so outcome focused, they’ve, you know, they’ve probably been off more than they can chew. And they’re not collaborative, they’re more competitive. And so they don’t ask for help, they don’t reach out and ask for help. And so these tend to be the avoiders. And so that’s that first dynamic that we see with the outcome focused achievement. The other dynamic that we see with perfectionist are the hustlers, who are the hyper productive. And so they say yes to everything out of a fear of disapproval. And so their reasons for achievement are really coming from that place of scarcity and not feeling good enough. So sometimes there’s that fear of like if I say no, like the work will dry up, or they’ll be disappointed, or they’ll think that I can’t do the work. So all of these, all of these scarcity beliefs, and these fears of not being good enough will creep in. And so they are on the constant treadmill of attempting to prove their worth to others. And the way that they do this is through collecting rewards, or tokens as evidence of their worth. So think about the markers of achievement. So when I say tokens, think about the markers of achievement, the degrees, the grades, The body, the house, the car, the images of perfection, the projects, the big projects, the paychecks, these become really important tokens because they serve as evidence that they can hold up and say, See, I matter. All of my hyper productivity, all of my hustling has paid off. I’m worthy. As Oh, that’s why the tokens matter. That’s why the grades matter. That’s why the degrees matter. And so from this perspective, achievement is very outcome focused. The grade or the collecting the token matters a lot more than the process of growth and development. Because they need that token as evidence of their worth, they’re less focused on what am I learning in the process. Because that process, in many ways just becomes torture us because they’re hustling, they’re hyper productive, they’re just working to the outcome. They’re working for the token, they’re working for the reward.

Dr. Melissa Smith 36:20
And here’s the other dynamic of that, that is really important to pay attention to this is so important in the world of work is quality often suffers. So again, they put up a really good front, but don’t look too closely. Because they’re so outcome focused, that sometimes the quality suffers. Right. So sometimes our projects become a blackbox. And it’s not until you you get in a little closer, that you can see that corners are cut, or, you know, you’re you’re farther into the project where you’re like, Okay, like, you were in over your head, and you needed help, and you, you know, you needed to ask for help. And so that is one of the big dangers with perfectionism. And so they get in over their head, they don’t collaborate, they don’t ask for feedback, that they keep people at arm’s distance. So all of those factors, you can kind of see how those play out even on a work project or a school project. They don’t love group work. Everyone knows that, right? And because they’re more focused on the outcome of getting the grade, or the token, sometimes the details or the process of learning is, you know, takes a backseat to getting the, the grade or the token. And so I just want to say one other thing about this dynamic is that often what can happen is, you can be in this hyper productive mode and burn yourself out to the point where it’s like, I can’t do this anymore. And so then you move into the avoidant the avoidant mode. So right like the hustler becomes an avoider. And that dynamic shifts. And often, when that happens, right, the perfectionist really beats up on herself, and says, right, like, you’re lazy, and they start to panic, because they’re like, Hey, this is this is how i, this is how I get my needs met. This is how I know that I’m good enough is by being hyper productive. And now, like, you can’t get off the couch, now you’re avoiding things. And so panic really starts to set in. And if you can understand this dynamic and take a step back and look at, hey, the reason, the reason you’ve moved moved to avoidance is because you you can’t maintain this kind of hyper productivity forever, like anyone would burn out on this, then you can have a bit more compassion and say, okay, like what is sustainable, and you weren’t meant to do this project on your own. You need to collaborate, you need to ask for help. You need to ask for feedback, then you can have a much more realistic approach to school, work to graduate school to work projects. And you can begin challenging those really negative beliefs about yourself that you’re a failure, that You’re not good enough, that you’re lazy, you know all of those negative beliefs that come into play, when you when you burn out, and you start avoiding life, which is just the inevitable result of hyper productivity, like you run hard enough, fast enough, long enough, you’re gonna hit your wall. And it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it just means you’re human. And so understanding this dynamic can really help you to step back and have some compassion, and hopefully, invest you with a little more motivation to say I’m, I’m going to abandon this perfectionism, because it is a hard way to live. And here’s the theme, there’s a better way that leads to a higher quality of life, and higher achievement. So the contrast to outcome focus is what those who strive for excellence do, which is process focused achievement.

Dr. Melissa Smith 41:15
So those who strive for excellence care about the goal, but it’s really about who they become in the process of goal achievement. So these folks set more realistic goals for themselves. And they tend to be more consistent because they don’t overwhelm themselves with unrealistic goals. So they have a better assessment of their abilities. They set realistic goals, so they can be more consistent, so they don’t overwhelm themselves. And this is really important. So they have more achievement, and then they have more confidence. And so their goals get bigger over time. So they also don’t beat themselves up if they struggle. So they learn the lessons of failure. So they’re able to pick themselves up, they’re able to dust themselves off and keep going. And so ultimately, they’re more successful because they keep going. And with each goal that they achieve, they actually build more confidence. And they say, I can do hard things. And hey, I can even take on a bigger goal now. Because with each successive goal they set and consistently achieve, they’re building confidence, they’re building self worth. And this is so important, this incremental value add, that they create for themselves. So they do not give up on themselves, or the process of growth. And they, they get that it is a process. So they recognize that goals and achievement are not about the outcome, but about the process of growth. And so in a very real way. They become much more successful over time, and much more achievement oriented. And here’s the thing, they’re happier, there’s less burnout, and it’s sustainable. It’s sustainable over time. They have more balance in their lives and so on every measure, excellence is where it’s at. So let’s abandon perfectionism and embrace excellence. I promise you, it is a better way to live. And so I’m so excited to share a free masterclass, with you coming up next week. So Registration is open and the link to register for the masterclass is on the show notes. So, you can head on over to my website to register for this masterclass. And this masterclass is going to be focusing on exactly these issues. So, the masterclass is all about asking this question. So, are you reaching your leadership potential? Because here’s the thing, so many of us are not reaching our leadership potential, right? We have this untapped leadership potential. And there are three keys to help you thrive without feeling overwhelmed without feeling depleted without feeling alone. And so I’m so excited to bring this masterclass to you. It’s totally free. So I hope that you’ll head on over to my website and register for this masterclass. And, you know, just like we’ve talked about today with perfectionism versus excellence, right? What happens is, unfortunately, we become our own worst enemy and we work against ourselves and we do not want that. happening to you. So we want to, we want to be our

Dr. Melissa Smith 45:05
own best ally, so that you can really reach your leadership potential and pursue what matters. And of course, you know, each week my goal is to help you strengthen your confidence to lead. And of course, this week, you know, the area that I really wanted to help you to strengthen your confidence was in curiosity and this self awareness around perfectionism, and really helping you to abandon perfectionism once and for all because really, it is an albatross around your neck and learn to embrace excellence and this is where research can be a really great guide and it can be your friend because the evidence and the research is so strong when it comes to the benefits of excellence and how it can lead to more success more achievement more goal setting more goal achievement, and more balance and just more happiness in life and so I hope that you will consider joining me for this great free masterclass is coming to you next week. Registration is open. The link for the registration is at my website so head on over to my website. I have the notes for the podcast and also for the master class registration there at www.drmelissasmith.com/episode-70 more time that’s www.drmelissasmith.com/episode-70 I’m Dr. Melissa Smith. Remember love and work, work and love. That’s all there is. Until next time, take good care

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