Episode 256: Understanding the Window of Tolerance

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Dr. Melissa Smith 0:00
Do you know how to cope well? Today, I have a great tool to help you better understand how you cope and how you can better help yourself. I hope you’ll join me.

Dr. Melissa Smith 0:12
Hi, I’m Dr Melissa Smith, welcome to the Pursue What Matters podcast where we focus on what it takes to thrive in love and work. So of course, we know that life is challenging, right? That’s something I talk about a lot in the podcast, which is not to say, you know, I’m not saying that to depress you or to overwhelm you, but often, right? I I share that reality, right, which you don’t need to hear from me, but I share that with you in the hopes that you will take coping seriously, right? Like we all need skills to cope with life. And you know, we can think about skills. I just talked about that in a recent podcast, but we’re really looking at what helps us to tolerate distress, right?

Dr. Melissa Smith 1:16
So, in in psychology, we think about distress tolerance skills, and these are specific skills that help us manage life, and a really great tool that comes to us from the trauma literature is known as the window of tolerance. I love the window of tolerance, and it’s something that I use all the time in my clinical work and in my leadership, work as well, because it is a concept that’s pretty easy to understand, and it helps people to have a frame for understanding their experience, so that they can more effectively help themselves.

Dr. Melissa Smith 1:55
So it is a really helpful tool, a really helpful way to make sense of your internal experience, right? So we think about nervous system regulation and the window of tolerance really helps us to more deeply understand that, and then to you know, know and recognize what our needs are, so that we can help ourselves in those moments and so, right, like we, you know, we all have stressors and challenges that we’re going to face, but obviously we can face those challenges more effectively when we come or when we are regulated, right? So when we are in a state of nervous system regulation, we are way better equipped to address our challenges, and the opposite is true, right? If we’re completely dysregulated, if we are feeling stressed out about everything, then even small stressors or small challenges can feel absolutely overwhelming. And so the window of tolerance is really aimed at helping you to really assess where you are at relative to your regulation versus dysregulation, and what that means for you in terms of dealing with stressors and helping yourself.

Dr. Melissa Smith 3:19
And so the window of tolerance is a concept that was originally developed by Dr Dan Siegel. He is a physician, and he is one of the great thought leaders in the work of trauma. And so this concept of the window of tolerance comes to us from the literature on trauma and the work around trauma treatment, but you don’t have to have had a history of trauma to be able to benefit from this concept. The window of tolerance is helpful for all of us, but it’s really looking at this optimal zone of arousal for a person to function in everyday life, right? And so, you know, if we think about, if we think about our response to life, right, stress is not the problem, right? It’s important. It is we can think about stress as a level of arousal, right?

Dr. Melissa Smith 4:20
So let’s think about an example of public speaking, right? If you have very little arousal or nervous system activation in response to public speaking, that’s probably going to be a problem for you. Having a certain amount of arousal or nervous system activation, right? A certain amount of a stress response is actually very, very functional when it comes to public speaking, because it helps you to focus. It helps you to be precise with your words. It helps you to know that you really care about the message that you’re sharing. And so it’s really common for people to. Kind of anxious about public speaking, or to feel excited, right? And it’s the same physiological response happening in the body. You might just label it as dread, or you might label it as excitement, but that physiological arousal or activation is actually very functional to help you to have the energy that you need to present effectively and get your message across. And so we need that a certain, a certain amount of nervous system activation or arousal for life’s experiences.

Dr. Melissa Smith 5:33
Now, right, if we think about, you know, what’s required for, you know, falling asleep at night and getting a good, restful sleep. Well, your level of arousal should be very different, right? Your level of arousal should be lower. So how many of you have had the experience of going to bed wired and tired, right? So you’re physically exhausted, but maybe you’re feel you’re still feeling anxious about the day, or you’re ruminating about, you know, a specific stressor. And so you lay down, your body is so tired, but your mind is on overdrive, right? So there’s still a lot of arousal happening within your body, you know, due to this anxiety or this worry about this stressor. And so, of course, that heightened level of arousal is not consistent with being able to fall asleep. So we we require different amounts of arousal for different activities throughout the day, and then, of course, certain challenges or stressors will kick up some of that arousal for us. And so just know the window of tolerance really helps to describe this optimal zone of arousal, or nervous system activation in order for a person to function in everyday life.

Dr. Melissa Smith 6:49
One more quick example before I you know, kind of give you the nuts and bolts of the window of tolerance, and that is, if you think about, think about someone who’s highly anxious, right? So they have a high level of arousal and a high level of nervous system activation, right? And this can really impede them from being able to settle in and focus on what they need to focus on to participate in a class, to engage socially. And so this heightened level of arousal really gets in the way of connection and purpose and learning, and it’s just like, we gotta, like, dial that down, okay? And then at the other end, right? So you can think about that anxiety at the top end of that arousal, and at the bottom end, right? Or the other extreme, we think, we think about depression, right? And depression often has, you know, it’s characterized by very low arousal. So, you know, people have, they’re sleeping all the time, or they’re tired all the time, they’re lethargic. They have a hard time, you know, motivating themselves, or just moving, like, if you look at them physiologically, they just move slower. And it’s kind of, you know, it’s kind of funny to see. I mean, not that it’s funny that people are struggling, but if you were just like, we’re looking at, you know, a person with anxiety versus a person with depression. Like, for instance, in our clinic, right, when people come in for their appointments at reception, it’s really easy to see who the anxious client is versus who the depressed client is, because their entire physiology and presentation is different, and that really is looking exactly what we’re talking about today, which is at the level of arousal, or nervous system activation. And it is a physiological experience. It is completely a somatic experience.

Dr. Melissa Smith 8:39
So back to the window of tolerance. So when a person is operating within this optimal zone or window, so here we’re bringing in the window they they can effectively manage and cope with their emotions, okay? And so this is often, this is awesome, right? And so if you have a history of trauma, or if you are facing big stressors in your life, right? It can be harder to regulate your emotions. It can be harder to, you know, feel like you have a calm presence, and can can be responsive to the stressors. And so what that means is that your window of tolerance, or your zone of arousal really shrinks, because it’s harder, right, like it’s harder to take in stimuli and to deal with things, and so that’s what we’re really that’s what we’re really looking at with the window of tolerance. So when we think about facing challenges, right, and especially right in particular traumatic experiences, they by design. Traumatic experiences overwhelm our capacity to cope. And so what does that mean for the window of tolerance? That means we are pushed outside of our window of tolerance, so within the window of tolerance. We’re able to cope with life. We’re able to be responsive. But if you know, we have a really big challenge, right? Our window of tolerance shrinks. Sometimes it slams shut, which means we have a very difficult time responding to the stressor and even responding to other life events, because our system is on overdrive. It is detecting threat everywhere, and it’s saying this is too much stimuli. We need to shut this window right. We need to shut down the stimuli, because it’s breaking our system right, and so that, in particular happens with traumatic experiences. But you can think about that in, you know, kind of a more nuanced way with dealing with stressors. And so if you think about, you know, if you have a lot of stressors coming at you, even if they’re not that big in and of themselves, just the accumulation of a lot of stressors can really shrink our window of tolerance, because it just it overwhelms our system. It overwhelms our capacity to cope. And so let’s think about how this, these intense stress response, can affect our window of tolerance.

Dr. Melissa Smith 11:17
Okay, so when you are in your window of tolerance, you feel like you can deal with whatever’s happening in your life. It doesn’t mean you’re happy about it. Doesn’t mean you like it, but you feel equipped to cope with life. You might feel stress or pressure, but it doesn’t like it doesn’t get in the way of you doing what you need to do. And so of course, the window of tolerance is the ideal place that we want to be at. And when we think about stressors or we think about traumatic experiences, these experiences really shrink our window of tolerance. And once that happens, it doesn’t take much to really throw you off balance, and our window of tolerance is kind of can be shrunk in both ways, right around hyperarousal, but also hypoarousal. So let’s talk a little bit more about that. So we think about hyperarousal, so think about above the window, right? So this is above that window of tolerance, some of the some of the features of being outside of that window of tolerance.

Dr. Melissa Smith 12:29
So above that window of tolerance include feeling anxious, angry, out of control, overwhelmed, right? And physiologically, what’s happening. This is where your body is in fight or flight. So it wants to fight or it wants to run away. When we think about the nervous system moving to hyper arousal, right? This is a nervous system response at the at the level of the body. It’s not something that you choose, right? This is your body’s protective mechanism saying, oh, there’s danger. We need to be on high alert. And so it sets off this cascade of stress response hormones. And so it’s not something that you choose to say, Oh, this is a problem. I’m going to I’m going to move into hyper arousal. No, your body is moving you to that very, very quickly. And so these reactions just take over when the body registers stressor or a traumatic experience, okay? And so that’s what’s happening above the window of tolerance. And then let’s think about what’s happening below the window of tolerance. So above the window of tolerance is hyper arousal, so hyper more of right? Think about anxiety. Think about that anxious client. And below the window of tolerance is hypo arousal, so less of right. And some of the features of hypo arousal include, you know, depression, feeling spacey or zoned out, feeling numb or frozen, and it really feels like your body wants to shut down.

Dr. Melissa Smith 14:09
This also is not something you choose. These reactions just take over, but it’s interesting to so that’s physiologically like the presentation of what you’re seeing, but hypo arousal usually happens after a big surge of hormones, right? So it kind of people can really, like hit the top of their stress response, so a huge surge of stress hormones, and the body says, Oh, if we keep at this high level of stress hormones, we’re going to shut down. So the body shuts it down, and so people kind of crash down into hypo arousal. And so it looks like there’s not much going on physiologically, but it’s important to keep in mind that’s after a huge surge of hormones, and the body basically, basically hits the kill switch. On those stress hormones and kind of just shuts down your system, that nervous system response. And so don’t think that there’s less stress hormone going on with Hypo arousal. There’s a lot of stress hormones going on, but it’s, you know, it’s that kill switch. So it’s like, there’s the intensity of the stress hormones is so high that then the body and the nervous system just kind of hits that kill switch to say, Enough, we’re going to protect you. And so you know when, when stress or trauma shrink your window of tolerance, it doesn’t take much to throw you off of balance, right? Because that window of tolerance has kind of shrunk. And so then it that’s one of the reasons why it can feel hard to to deal with just daily things that you have dealt with for years and years of your life. And so sometimes, like, what I have seen with people is they get, they can feel really worried about, like, Oh my goodness. Like, what’s wrong with me? Like, I used to deal with these things, and it was fine. And so they can kind of feel like they’re broken, or, you know, something’s really wrong with them. And what I always say is, like, this is actually self protective, right? Like, the your window of tolerance shrinking is very functional for your survival, survival. And so we want to pay attention to that. We want to learn from that and not freak out, right and think that there’s something wrong with us. It’s actually a sign that your body is actually functioning really well, and it’s acknowledging that this stressor is a lot, and we really need to shrink that window of tolerance if we’re going to be able to get through it, because it’s not reasonable for you to maintain all of your regular activities right, and your status quo when you’re also facing a really big stressor, right? And so that, I think we can understand that conceptually, but it’s really important to also have some compassion for yourself in those moments. And so when you notice that window of tolerance shrinking, if the first response isn’t, oh, gosh, what’s wrong with me?

Dr. Melissa Smith 17:07
I’m a failure. I can’t cope, right? Don’t do that, because that’s going to that’s going to shrink your window of tolerance even more, right, make it even more difficult to cope. But instead, let’s use that information to have some compassion. To say, wow, like, my body’s really on high alert, to get curious about what in my environment might be shrinking my window of tolerance. And sometimes the stressors are really clear, right? It’s like, Yep, I, you know, I’ve got this big stressor at work, or, you know, I had a big argument with my partner. And so we want to have compassion, and we want to have understanding, and then we want to really help ourselves cope right at the level of the physiology in the body, because that’s where, that’s where nervous system dysregulation happens, and that’s the level where we can move back into nervous system regulation. And so when we’re facing stressors, we want to slow down. We want to manage less, right?

Dr. Melissa Smith 18:08
So we want to simplify our schedule. Doesn’t mean we’re isolating or, you know, fleeing from life, but Right? When we’re overwhelmed, we need to kind of bring down that skill of what we need to deal with, and so some things might just need to go on a shelf. Sometimes that’s for a few hours, sometimes that’s for a few days or weeks. And in some situations, there are some things that might need to go on the shelf for a year or two. I know I have had that in my life where it’s like, I’m I don’t have the capacity to deal with some of these things, and they’re not a priority things, so they can wait and just trusting that there will be a time where that window of tolerance increases, especially as you really take some good care of yourself in it. So when we think about coping skills or regulating resources, these are specific skills that can help us to increase our window of tolerance, right?

Dr. Melissa Smith 19:08
So if we are in the mode of hyper arousal, right? There’s a lot of shallow breathing, there’s a faster heart rate, it’s hard to think and so what do we want to do, we want to slow everything down. So some of the deep diaphragmatic breathing can be very helpful. You know, taking a gentle walk, getting out in nature, kind of anything that can help you to kind of get out of your mind and into your body, to kind of slow things down, and to communicate to your body that it’s safe, and you know you’re in a position where you can deal with the stressors. And then when we think about hypo arousal, right, we actually want to bring a little more energy into our body. And so the pace breathing, right? The diaphragmatic breathing can be really helpful here. It’s helpful on both sides of that window of tolerance, but especially with Hypo arousal, right? So if you’re feeling depressed and really down, we want to choose regulating resources and activities that help us to engage in life and use our body so that we’re actually like moving through some of that, that some of that energy in our body. So right? If we think about like, we’ve got a big surge and a big build up of these stress hormones. And so physical activity, especially is the most efficient way to move through that stress response cycle and really kind of discharge that high level of stress hormones, and so this is where we’d really think about moving your body, going on a walk, doing some stretching, some, you know, out of your room, out of your bed, out of like, whatever you know, stuckness that you feel and and that can help us to to move back into our window of tolerance, where we can, then, you know, we’re better equipped to really face the issues that that we that are stressing us out, and when, when we can use those regulating resources, right?

Dr. Melissa Smith 21:15
So those physiological skills that can move us into that window of tolerance, then we can then we’re better equipped to use other coping skills, like talking with a friend about it, or, you know, problem solving or thinking about what is the next step like? Do, you know, do I need to have a conversation with this person? Or, you know, whatever the case may be. And so that is a little bit about the window of tolerance. So again, it is our level of arousal, or nervous system activation in response to life’s stressors. And of course, at the above the window of tolerance is where we run into hyperarousal. We think about this with fight, flight, response. It’s a heightened state of activation and energy, and like the high alert danger in the system, right is what’s happening here. And some of those symptoms include anger, fear, anxiety, emotional overwhelm, panic, hyper vigilance, tight muscles, deer in the headlights. And so this is, this is kind of where you’re stuck in the on position, right? So your nervous system activation is stuck in the on position. And so it’s a lot of energy, a lot of movement. And then at the bottom end of that window of tolerance, again, is hypo arousal, and this is known as shut down, or the collapse response. And so again, it’s due to a high level of of stress hormone surge in the body. But then it’s like the body hits the kill switch, or the shutdown switch, right? So there’s that’s how you move into that collapse.

Dr. Melissa Smith 22:59
And so it can, it’s often activated in the same way hyper arousal is right by feeling threatened, having a traumatic memory come up, feeling emotions associated with a stressor. And so you know that stress response can really lead very quickly to that collapse or that emotional shutdown. And again, the symptoms here include depression, numbness, a sense of emptiness, feeling disconnected or dissociated from yourself or from other people. Kind of slow moving body, right? Like fatigue, lethargy, having a blank stare, sometimes having a harder time with eye contact, even struggling to speak can happen there. And so of course, when we think about understanding what’s happening in your system, the first thing I want you to think about or consider is, where am I at in my window of tolerance? And it might be clear like I’m definitely not in my window of tolerance. Okay, are you above the window of tolerance and hyper hyper arousal, or are you below the window of tolerance in hypo arousal? Okay, that’s helpful, because it helps us to know which direction we need to help you move. And so if you’re in hypo arousal, we want to increase energetic movement in the body. If you are in hyper arousal. We want to expend energy in the body, right? We want to kind of bring that system down. And there are some regulating resources that are equally effective in both places. The the pace breathing is one that’s helpful in both places. Exercise is one that’s helpful in both areas. So that’s really the key is, you know, we know something’s wrong, but do we know where we’re at relative to that window of tolerance? And knowing that can be so helpful for you, because it it helps you to know that you’re not. Not just a victim of those stressors, that there are ways that you can understand what’s going on with you internally, and there are things that can help. So if we think about coming back from hypo arousal, right, so moving up back into that window of tolerance, you can increase your vocal, prosody and tone. You can use an engaged posture, right? So we really want to have a good, strong posture, nice strong back.

Dr. Melissa Smith 25:30
You can walk, you can move your body, do some stretches, do some jumping jacks. I know that sounds weird, and you definitely won’t want to do it, but it helps to really get that energy up, standing up, switching chairs, moving your orientation of what you’re seeing can all be really helpful. And so and then, of course, right what I talked about with the breathing. And then the last thing I’ll just share are a couple more thoughts on coming back from hyper arousal, right? So if you’re outside that window of tolerance at the top end, what can you do?

Dr. Melissa Smith 26:09
So this is, of course, bringing, bringing that nice, slow, diaphragmatic breathing in. Some of the other things that you can do can include orienting to the room, so taking a few minutes and just tracking different items in the room. So you can say, I’m going to find five things that are blue, and you name those things, and then we kind of gently move our eyes to five things that are red and and so what it does is it kind of gets you out of that tunnel vision and helps you to orient to your surroundings a little bit more. This is where we could do a walk. We could get up, we can change position, we can use the bathroom, hold on to some ice. Kind of really connect with that sensory perception. And of course, you know, talking with someone, but we want to think about whether you’re moving out of hypo arousal or hyper arousal into the window of tolerance, we want to do that at the level of the body, so we’re not just thinking about it. In fact, that’s a pretty dangerous place to be, but I want you to think about body activation to really help you to move into that window of tolerance.

Dr. Melissa Smith 27:22
So I hope that is helpful for you. This, like I said, this is a really useful concept to help you better understand what’s happening within yourself, and to help yourself and to kind of know which skills might be most useful for you. So head on over to my website to check out the show notes with the resources for this episode at www.drmelissasmith.com/256-windowoftolerance 

Dr. Melissa Smith 27:59
If you want to hear updates from me and know when a new podcast drops. I would strongly encourage you to join my email list. You can do that at my website drmelissasmith.com, I’d love to connect with you there. Would love to connect with you on Instagram, and of course, I would encourage you to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, and if you feel so inclined to provide a five star review, it helps more people to connect with the show. In the meantime, I’m Dr Melissa Smith, remember love and work, work and love. That’s all there is until next time. Take good care.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai