Pursue What Matters
Episode 12: Drive Book Review
Please excuse any typos, transcripts are generated by an automated service
Dr. Melissa Smith 0:00
When it comes to motivation do some people just have it? And others don’t? What does it take to achieve great things to stick to something and see it through to the end? Well, today we’re going to talk about the science of motivation and what it really takes to see things through as we review the excellent book drive by Daniel Pink. So let’s jump in.
Dr. Melissa Smith 0:23
Hi, I’m Dr. Melissa Smith. Welcome to the pursue what matters podcast where we focus on what it takes to thrive in love and work. Today, we’re talking about one of the big challenges most leaders face and that is how do you motivate those you lead? How do you find what it is that will be compelling to those who lead because of course, once you find team members who are motivated work takes on a life of its own. But finding this drive can be really challenging, and what works for one team member definitely won’t work for another. Motivation can be a really big challenge for a lot of leaders, because for many leaders, motivation just simply isn’t an issue. They’ve maybe always have an inner drive to achieve and reach goals. But it becomes an issue when they try and motivate those they lead. So many leaders are left scratching their head, and trying to figure out if motivation is something that they can even instill in others. So is money the best way to motivate if a team member doesn’t seem to have an internal drive? Should you just give up on them? So these are really important questions, and hopefully will help you answer them as we review drive the surprising truth about what motivates us by Daniel Pink. So first, let’s learn a little bit more about our author. Today, we are talking about one of the great thinkers in the realm of leadership and business. And if you haven’t heard of Daniel Pink, then you really don’t know what you’re missing. His books are engaging and really thought provoking. So Daniel Pink has been included in the list of the Top 15 business thinkers in the world. And his thinking and writing on the issue that issues that impact leaders really challenges you to rethink what you thought you knew about leading. So he really tends to remind me of Malcolm Gladwell in his ability to challenge my thinking about conventional things. So apparently pink challenges, Gladwell is thinking as well, because Gladwell said, of the book drive, I spent as much time thinking about what this book meant, as I did reading it. So pink made Gladwell think as well. So pink is the author of six books, all of the best sellers, and several of them are award winners. Plus I think this one is really important when it comes to business books, they are really enjoyable to read, they’re not boring at all. And they’re very practical, which is a big plus, if that’s not enough, pink also has an excellent TED talk on motivation. So which is the topic of this book. And it’s one of the top 10 most watched TED talks of all time. So in the show notes, I’ll have a link to that Ted Talk. So you can be sure to check it out. So another thing that I love about Pink’s book is he makes them very user friendly. So he provides lots of different summaries, even a cocktail party summary. So I’m going to read the cocktail party summary of the book, because I think it’s a nice little introduction. So when it comes to motivation, there’s a gap between what science knows, and what business does. Our current business operating system, which is built around external carrot and stick motivators doesn’t work and often does harm. We need an upgrade. And the science shows the way. This new approach has three essential elements. First, autonomy, the desire to direct our own lives. Second, mastery, the urge to get better and better at something that matters. Three purpose, the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves. So that’s the cocktail party summary of the great book drive, which we’re going to review right now. And we’ll jump in and talk about some of these excellent points in a little more detail now.
Dr. Melissa Smith 4:57
So first of all, I love Pink’s three essential Elements because first of all, they just make so much sense, and really elevate the way we work. But also, because it’s so consistent with what I’m so passionate about, which is pursuing what matters with this book, Pink is really laying claim to what Freud said so long ago, which is to acknowledge that so much of our purpose and meaning is taken up by our work. And so if we are not finding meaning, and fulfillment in our work lives, we suffer, our relationships suffer, and society as a whole suffer. So he really is calling attention to that, which I think is really important and very helpful. And another really important point here is that his book is based on research, right? So he is digging into the research on motivation. So he’s not just speaking conceptually about what he thinks business leaders should be doing his thesis and his arguments are coming from the science and from his extensive review of the research on motivation. So that’s really important, because we can have lots of thoughts, but we should really be paying attention to the science and that should be driving our decision making. So one of Pink’s first arguments in the book is that the traditional carrot and stick system of motivation does not work well. And it actually undermines motivation. Although he does identify a few rare exceptions, he points out that the IF THEN reward so that’s what he means when he talks about carrot and stick motivation that if then rewards actually works to get us less of what we want. Because it kills intrinsic motivation. It lowers performance, it crushes creativity, and it crowds out good behavior. So it’s really disastrous, it is not good at all. With carrot stick motivation, the focus is really all about external rewards, and can lead you to more of what you don’t want, including selfish behavior, unethical behavior, addictive behaviors, and prioritizing short term gains over long term benefits. So the question kind of becomes, what will get me the carrot, right, or what will help me avoid the stick, rather than what’s best for the company or what’s best for growth, what’s best for the ethical approach. And so it really undermines values and culture potentially. Pink then introduces the three essential elements to improving motivation as guided by the research, let’s break these three elements down a bit more and learn about each of them. So the first one is autonomy, or the desire to direct our own lives. Of course, everyone has the desire to direct their own lives. And in the 21st century, we have seen this come full circle in our work lives. So certainly gone mostly are the days of being cogs in a machine. Now, employees really are being asked to be knowledge workers in every domain of their work. In order to encourage autonomy, individuals need autonomy, over four things. And conveniently enough, they all start with T. So task, so what they do time when they do it, team, who they do it with, and technique, how they do it. So in order to encourage autonomy, individuals need autonomy for a task, or autonomy over task time, team and technique. So pink argues that organizations who are willing to get creative and even radical in order to support this sort of autonomy, reap the benefits by outperforming competitors. And so he makes a clear case for this and shows that the organizations who really are able to do this, they actually do outperform their competitors, because often the argument by organizations who resist giving this sort of autonomy to their people, usually their argument is it will hurt our performance or it’ll hurt our bottom line. And the research shows actually the exact opposite that when employees are given autonomy, the company actually outperforms competitors.
Dr. Melissa Smith 9:49
Okay, so now let’s talk about the second essential element that pink focuses on which is mastery, or the idea that we are motivated to master skills, the old form of motivation was focused on compliance. But now the focus really is on engagement. So when we are engaged at work, we are motivated to become masters or to become better at something that matters. And so I really like that idea of mastery. Of course, mastery is increasingly important in the new knowledge economy. And mastery is what increasingly sets you apart from others. Research indicates that making progress in one’s work is the single most motivating aspect of many jobs. So think about that, like your ability to grow. And progress, is what really helps to engage people. And so, you know, for those of you who lead people at work, or manage people work, I really want you to think about that are there are opportunities for those you lead, to grow and to progress at work, because if there is no opportunity for growth or progression, you’ve, you’ve probably just killed their motivation and their engagement at work. And so we strive for mastery, we want to we want to be engaged, we want to grow and we want to develop pink says that mastery starts with flow. And of course, you’ve you’ve probably come across the term flow, it’s from the creativity literature, in which the challenge of the task is perfectly matched by our abilities. And there seems to be a loss of time as we are fully engaged in the present moment. So it’s kind of a sweet spot of creativity, of engaged working, where, you know, there’s there’s challenge in the task, but our abilities meet that and it’s it’s kind of time is almost suspended. That’s that that’s the sense. And so when we are fully engaged, and we’re, we’re able to connect with mastery, we experience flow. So smart organizations mix day to day activities with Goldilocks tasks. So this is a concept that he talks about in the book. So he talks about Goldilocks tasks, which are not too hard and not too easy. And so pink says that you really want to mix up the types of activities, the types of tasks that you have for your people, because it’s a way of keeping them engaged, right. So if if you have tasks that are always too hard, then that’s going to be demoralizing for your people. But if you have tasks that are always too easy, people are going to be bored, people are going to be completely disengaged, they’re not going to have any sense of mastery, because it’s just pointless, right, like masteries done. And so you really want a mix of those activities. So he says that there are three peculiar rules of mastery. So first of all, mastery is a mindset. It requires the capacity to see your abilities not as finite, but as infinitely improvable. So of course, that makes sense with mastery, right? mastery really implies growth and development. And this idea of infinitely improvable. So of course, this sounds very familiar, right? This is all a growth mindset, which comes from the research of Carol Dweck. And hopefully you heard my last podcast, which was all about mindset. So if you haven’t definitely go back and catch a listen to that because I do a deep dive into mindset. So the second peculiar rule of mastery, I like this one, mastery is a pain. It demands effort, grit and deliberate practice. This also goes hand in hand with the growth mindset, right? Because a growth mindset acknowledges that effort is really the key. And so mastery does demand effort and deliberate practice. This also reminds me of Gladwell, his discussion of the 10,000 hours to develop mastery in any field in any skill. He, he concluded, it requires about
Dr. Melissa Smith 14:49
about 10,000 hours. Now, there’s been some arguments about that, but generally that’s held up pretty well. And, and really, it’s It’s simply the idea that you need to put in a lot of consistent effort. And that, as pink argues, it’s going to be kind of painful. It’s not always enjoyable. Okay, and then the third peculiar rule is mastery is an asymptote. So this is a fun stats term, it’s impossible to fully realize mastery, which makes mastery simultaneously frustrating and alluring. Right. So part of what’s really alluring or engaging about mastery is there’s always a challenge, there’s always more that you can do to develop your skills, right, you never quite make it in terms of mastery. That’s also what can be very frustrating, or very difficult about it. But it, it keeps you on this on this path of engagement. And I think, you know, what we what we want to pay attention to, is recognizing that mastery is a journey, it’s not a destination. And if you can understand mastery that way, then you don’t get too caught in a final outcome or a final destination. And you recognize that it’s not something that you fully realize, but it is the process of development and engagement and working towards a worthy cause. And I think if you can understand it that way, then you can enjoy the journey. Okay, so now let’s talk about the third essential element for improving motivation. And that is purpose. As humans, we are driven to purpose. We are meaning makers, and we seek purpose in our lives, this is a truth, it has been established time and time again. So we seek to make a contribution and to be part of a cause, greater than ourselves. I just think that is so cool. I love that. I love that about us as humans. The problem is that many businesses historically have overlooked the importance of purpose, or they’ve really just kind of just run right over it. That really is changing, thanks in part to aging baby boomers who are starting to get reflective, as they get older, but also to millennials, who, you know, have been raised by baby boomers, and they are much more purpose driven, as they approach the world of work. So I think that there are a few factors that are combining that are helping us to really converge on the importance of purpose and recognizing the importance of it and, and really placing it at the center of our work lives. And I think that that is something that benefits all of us. So he talks about with this understanding of purpose, that purpose maximization is seen as important as profit maximization to many workers. So for example, we see the rise of B corpse, which are a new kind of business that balances purpose and profit. So if you’re not familiar with B corpse, you have talked about them a little bit, but it’s, it’s actually a really cool thing. And it really is balancing purpose and profit. So they are legally required to consider the impact of their decisions on their workers, customers, suppliers, community and the environment. And it’s something that they strive to achieve. So it’s something you know, they’re legally required to consider that companies want to become be corpse. So this is a community of leaders driving a global movement of people, using business as a force for good focus is no longer just on the shareholders, but on the community and the planet as well. So it has a very rigorous certification process that more and more companies are getting, or are trying to get certified every year. And so it really does represent a whole new way of
Dr. Melissa Smith 19:49
doing business. And when we traditionally think about, you know, for if you’re thinking about sitting in a business school class and thinking about like, what Is your obligation. But the short answer was your obligation is to your shareholders and a sentence. And that has really shifted. And as we see the rise of B corpse, that story is really changing a lot. And I think again, it’s coming through the combination of a lot of factors, customers are demanding a shift workers are demanding a shift some of the pressure around what’s happening with the environment is demanding a shift. But it’s kind of, it’s kind of a cool evolution. So one of my very favorite places to shop is athleta is actually I, it’s probably my favorite, it’s my favorite place to shop. Actually, I could say that, and I spend a lot of money there. So I love the clothes, for sure. But I also really love what they stand for. So in March of 2018, athleta, announced that they officially became B Corp certified. And they’ve you know, they’ve kind of made a big deal about this, because they’re really proud of it. So they’re because they have become one of the largest apparel, apparel companies in the world to certify as a B Corp. And that’s a big deal because it’s really hard to certify as a B Corp. So atletas CEO and President Nancy green said, we believe with athletic growth comes even greater responsibility to lead as a force for good athleta has been at the forefront of empowering and celebrating women for two decades. This B Corp certification accelerates our course forward as a purpose driven bat brand, honoring our mission to ignite a community of healthy, confident, active women and girls, and cementing our commitment to environmental sustainability. So athleta has aggressive goals to reach by 2020. And they certainly are a great example to other apparel companies, that putting the people on the planet up there with profit is an obtainable goal. So it’s really interesting, I had a new pair of pants on the other day from athleta. And they were made from recycled water bottles, which is like super cool. And I also have a pair of shorts from athleta. I’m telling you, I shopped there a lot. And they were made from recycled plastic bags. So like, they’re really doing some very interesting stuff. And I’m telling you, if you saw my pants, or if you felt my pants, like you would have never known that they were made from water bottles or plastic bags. They’re like super comfortable, super cute. I got lots of compliments on them. But anyway, it’s really cool. And I think what’s also interesting is so first of all, athleta is one of the largest apparel, apparel companies in the world to certify as a B Corp, that athleta is owned by gap. So gap and banana republic and Old Navy, right, so they’re all part of the same company. And so I think that’s also saying a lot because athleta is part of this larger apparel conglomerate. And so who knows, maybe athleta is a little bit of a case study within this larger apparel conglomerate to see to see what’s possible. So it’s, it’s pretty cool. And and I think a great example of how one company is balancing purpose and profit. Okay, so the purpose motive is expressing itself in three ways. So first, goals that use profit to reach purpose, second, in works that emphasize more than self interest. So we think about that with athleta, using recycled water bottles to make its products working on environmental sustainability, that sort of thing. And then three
Dr. Melissa Smith 24:17
in policies that allow people to pursue purpose on their own terms. And so I have another example of how this shows up for one company so I was able to listen to one of I think he was the HR director for Patagonia. That was not his title because he had like a super cool title and he was a super cool guy. But the HR director for Patagonia, I was able to listen to him recently. And he was speaking about their people policies at Patagonia. And if you are not familiar with Patagonia, you gotta read up on this company because if there’s they’re pretty darn Cool company that, you know, very unique, some pretty radical policies if we think about corporate America, but also policies that that have been, you know, very successful for the company, and they’ve been very profitable. And that was one of the topics that he focused on, he talked about how their policies are really aimed at helping their people pursue purpose on their own terms, right like that is the epitome of this third purpose motive that pink is talking about. That was a lot of peas right there. But one of the most important points from this Patagonia wrap was that it has, it has actually helped them to be more profitable. So they are not hurting at all. And in fact, it has led them to greater profitability. So it was it was very cool. So I’ll just talk about one little example of that, although there are many examples. So Patagonia has offered on site childcare since 1983. So that’s a long time. Some companies are just barely getting around to that, of course, a lot of companies don’t offer that. But they’ve been offering on top on site childcare since 1983, at their corporate headquarters, in Ventura, California, and at the distribution center in Reno, Nevada. So employees say that it doesn’t only benefit working moms, of course, dads benefit too. And one employee said it’s changed him as a father. Patagonia also provides company paid health care and sick time for all employees, paid maternity and paternity leave. And one of the things that I most appreciated about this presentation is that certainly, this Patagonia leader talked about the numbers and the specific policies, but he really gave heart and talked about the stories of how these policies play out every day at Patagonia, and how it’s connected them as a company and how it strengthen their culture. And it was really inspiring. So if we, if we think about motivation, and think about engagement, and think about motivating your people how, like purpose does that. And so it was very cool to see, and very cool to learn about that. So I think we have another really great example of how policies that serve support purpose can have a huge impact on motivating those we lead. Of course, we we’ve talked about this, but pink says that this focus on purpose, not only has potential to renew businesses, but to remake the world we live in. So that’s a bold statement that he says, absolutely holds that potential. Okay, so now you know a little bit more about this book, I want to focus on how this book can strengthen your love and work and certainly your leadership, some really great stuff in this book. And one of the things I most love about the book is that it is totally practical. After discussing the research pink focuses on application with an entire section of the book, entitled toolkit. So how cool is that? he applies the research to increasing individual motivation, addressing organizational motivation, addressing motivation, and compensation, that’s a big one. And then motivation for parents and educators. We all need that one, and then motivation and fitness. And that’s a really big one for most of us as well. So it’s really such a useful book. So now I want to share some of the highlights from the toolkit that I think can be most useful for you in terms of strengthening your love and work so that you can truly pursue what matters.
Dr. Melissa Smith 29:12
So first of all, let’s talk about some of the recommendations for increasing individual motivation. So pink challenges you to ask a big question, and he references Clare Boothe Luce, I am not sure if I’m pronouncing that right, Liu seeeeee, one of the first women to serve in the US Congress who said that a great man is a sentence. So ping challenges you to connect with purpose by thinking about your sentence. So for example, Abraham Lincoln’s might have been, he preserved the union and freed the slaves. So yours might be he raised four kids who became happy and healthy adults. So what is your sentence? And this can really help you orient to purpose. So I’ve got A few more ideas for you on this one. So you can think about it as an epitaph if you’d like, although that might be too morbid for you. But what would you like said on your epitaph as it relates to purpose, another spin on this that I love comes from my good friend, Dr. Anna Packard, and I apologize, I don’t know where she got it from. I don’t I don’t know that it’s original to her. But it is to come up with a six word mission statement. And we’ve had a lot of fun with this over the years. So currently, this is my six word mission statement and write like, I mean, you’re free to change this as you move through life, because that’s okay. But mine is do hard things and take naps, which speaks to my value around pursuing what matters, but also my desire and need for balance and rest and renewal. It’s also a little silly and a little playful, because I don’t want to take myself too seriously. And so it’s a little reminder to me to be playful. So there’s my six word mission statement. So that might be a fun little exercise for you, as you consider purpose and individual motivation. Another idea is you could use the pursue what matters process that I talked about during my very first podcast episode, as it really helps you to create a roadmap for pursuing what matters in your life. So you can check out the show notes for this episode, as I have an excellent freebie that really walks you through that process. So a freebie is just a downloadable PDF. And it has, it just has a really great guide to help you to identify this process for pursuing what matters. And so if you’ll take a listen at the end of the podcast, I’ll give you the reference for my show notes. And then you can download that freebie at my website. And you can use that process to kind of walk you through the pursue what matters process. And I think that can also help you with individual motivation and really connecting with purpose. In addition to asking the big question, as we just discussed, pink also challenges you to keep asking the small questions, and he encourages you to include some sort of daily self reflection, that ties you to purpose. And this is something that I also really recommend. So of course, I’m a fan of this one. So for instance, at the end of each day, ask yourself whether you were better today than you were yesterday. Did you do more? Or did you do it? Well, you could ask, did I learn something new? Was I kind to someone? Did I lead well today, so you know, whatever area maybe that you’re wanting to improve on? Or that you’re wanting to develop? You could have a simple question or a simple prompt, to help you to self reflect, and to also be accountable. And that can be super helpful. Because the truth is, if we don’t have accountability, and self reflection, change often doesn’t happen. And so these small questions every day can be very useful. So you can also get as specific as you want. So did you hit your top three pursuits and priority? So this also comes from the pursue what matters process that I talked about in my first podcast episode? So you can you can look at your goals for the day? Did you? Did you reach your top three goals? Are you making progress on your most important priorities? It can be specific as to did I learn 10 new vocabulary words? Did I make eight sales calls? Did I drink my 120 ounces of water?
Dr. Melissa Smith 34:07
So that’s one of my health goals that I have is drinking 120 ounces of water every single day. And I do an accountability check on that every single day. Did I have 130 grams of protein? That’s another health goal that I have. And so every single day I have accountability on that. Maybe it’s did I have five servings of fruits and veggies today? Did you write your 300 words, maybe you’re trying to get in the habit of daily writing and so you can make these small questions. as specific as you want, you can make them geared towards more self reflection. So the point is not to be flawless but to look for small measures of improvement and to be consistent in accountability. So the small question at the end of the day was a little better to Today than yesterday. And of course, this is a great gut check question for each of us. Okay, so this next one, I love this one have a to don’t list, we should all love that one, right if we have less to do, which is an inventory of behaviors, and practices that zap energy divert focus and ought to be avoided. So each week craft your own agenda of avoidance. So here, look at this, I’m giving you permission to avoid. The reality is that staying motivated and on track with directing your life is hard. There are so many distractions, and it’s really easy to get off track without even realizing it. This recommendation is really designed to get rid of these little distractors, that, honestly, they don’t even seem like a big deal, but if not addressed, they will completely undermine your efforts. So I want to talk about a couple examples. So a big one, for many of us, this is this is actually a huge one for so many people. And that is mindless time on social media. So I had someone refer to this as getting lost in a scroll hole. And I think that is a really good way to describe it. You know, you’re like, Oh, I’m just gonna get on Instagram or Facebook for a few minutes. And then like 20, or 30, or even 40 minutes later, it’s like, oh, my gosh, like what happened. So it’s really easy to lose time in a scroll hole where you’re on social media, obviously, that can happen on YouTube that can happen online, you know, surfing online, or whatever. So a couple things maybe to help. So set a timer, limit yourself, take it off your phone, so take the app off your phone, or make it really hard to find, so that you’re less likely to do it mindlessly, disable notifications, and take a fast, so you know, take a week, break from it. And if you do that, that and if nothing else that will really increase your awareness of maybe how dependent you you are on it, or like how often you notice yourself reaching for social media. And you’ll also probably gained some insight in terms of how much time it was taking up. And you know, who knows, maybe you’ll read a book in that week, or you’ll feel like you’re more present in your life. So that’s, that’s an example around social media. Of course, TV watching is another one. There’s nothing wrong with TV watching. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with social media either. But we really want to be intentional about these activities. And we don’t want them to take priority over our goals. And I certainly really noticed this when I began my MBA program, that there was just a lot of fluff in our lives. And recognizing that in general, like we waste a lot of time, and we could be a lot more productive. And so one of the things that I have tried to be really intentional about after I finished the MBA program I’ve been I’ve been done for a while now. But I wanted to be very intentional about how I spend my time and certainly have more downtime and more time to relax, because that was important, especially after being involved in a really intensive program for two years. But I tried to be very intentional about how I spend that downtime. So if I do choose to watch something on TV, it’s something that
Dr. Melissa Smith 38:40
like I really, that that feels really valuable to me and something that I can be really engaged with, rather than just something that feels kind of mindless. So from Tom Peters, who this idea comes from, he said, what you decide not to do is probably more important than what you decide to do. And so that is the idea behind that too. Don’t list. So there you go, you have permission to come up with an avoidance list. Okay, now let’s switch gears a little bit and talk about organizational action. So these are things that you can do to help increase motivation at the organizational level. So the first recommendation is to carve out time for non commissioned work. So time for non commissioned work can result in big breakthroughs, and increases in innovation and creativity. So think Google and their 20% time. So most of you are probably familiar with Google’s concept of the 8020 split where I don’t know that they’re doing it anymore. I think I read somewhere that they might not be doing that anymore, although I could be wrong on that. But they were they at one time anyway they were getting their employees permission for like 20% of their work time, could be for pet projects, whatever, the engineers, whatever the employees wanted to work on. And some of their some of their greatest innovations grew out of that 20% time. So I think like Google Maps, and Gmail, all grew out of that, and lots of other examples. So these are projects that appeal to curiosity, and not the regular day to day work. And so you might not be able to do that, because that can be really costly. But pink talks about doing 20% time with training wills, so maybe 10% time, which would be one afternoon of five day, work week, and maybe just commit to doing that for three to six months, and testing it out. So that might be a very reasonable approach to it. Another way that you could carve out time for non commissioned work, would be to turn your next off site into a non commissioned day, or a FedEx day. So this is a concept that pink talks about in the book. So people can work on FedEx day, people can work on anything that they choose, however they want, and with whomever they like, but there’s just one rule. So they must deliver something. So they need to deliver a new idea, a prototype of a product, or a better internal process the following day. So that’s where FedEx day comes from, because you have to deliver something the following day. And I like that, because there you know, there have to be some results. And so it’s really geared towards autonomy. But it’s also geared towards like, let’s get some results and move the process along. And then another way that you could also do this would be to conduct an autonomy audit, using the four questions. So if you remember, we had our 40s. So you could ask for questions. How much autonomy Do you have, over your tasks, your time, your team and your technique at work. And that could be a really nice starting place to get a sense of what the perceptions are about autonomy in the workplace. And that could, I mean, that’s a good starting place for determining your next course of action. And so I think that could be really helpful. Okay, so now let’s, let’s think about some parenting tips for increasing motivation. So first of all, give kids an allowance, and some chores, but don’t combine these. So keep allowance and chores separate. So with allowance, it really helps kids to develop some autonomy, it also helps them to learn budgeting skills. And of course, with chores, we want them to see that there are certain obligations of living within a family that they need to contribute to the hole and that there is a mutual obligation. And so the way that we frame chores in our family is that this is part of living in a family and that we all need to contribute to our family, we all need to contribute to keeping our home in order and for the sound, functioning and order of our household.
Dr. Melissa Smith 43:40
And so we don’t want to combine them because it turns we don’t want to combine allowance and chores because it turns chores into an if then reward, which then shifts chores to a focus on extrinsic rewards, rather than the intrinsic rewards we want to encourage. So this idea of moral obligation to the family, if we’re not careful, it can turn into just a commercial transaction. So the reason I do chores is not because I love my family, and I believe that we should all contribute. But I do chores because I’m going to get five bucks out of it. So this is definitely not the message that you want to send. So, of course, another bit of parenting advice as it relates to motivation is to praise the right way. So this is based mostly on duacs work around mindset. We want to praise effort and strategy, not intelligence. You want to make praise specific. So if you think about the situation, Be as specific as you can. Right. So you know, thank you so much for mowing the lawn you really got some straight lines there. That’s awesome or that was a really great design. I see you really took some time High to most straight lines there, you know, and then also praise in private. So pink says, praise His feedback. It’s not an award ceremony. And I really like that because we do kind of live in a culture where everything is kind of turned into an award ceremony. And it’s really it’s very undermining, and it becomes more about everyone getting an award and a medal than it is about receiving feedback and guidance. And then the fourth bit of advice he gives on praising is only offer praise, when there’s a good reason for it. So he says, Be sincere or keep quiet. So don’t just don’t just come up with something to say, only if there’s a good reason for it. And then, the last bit of advice on parenting, he says, is to help kids see the big picture. So when they are studying, help them connect by asking, why am I learning this? And how is it relevant to the world that I live in now. So for example, my kids were just taking world civilization class. And so that, you know, they’re working on all of these maps and geography and history and that sort of thing. And we’re preparing for a big trip to Europe. And so we’re talking to them about the places we’re visiting. And so they’re working on these maps and geography, and they’re talking about the history and different invasions and add so much context. And they’re kind of thinking about the big picture of how what they learned last semester, is related to what they just heard about on a television show that we were listening to, in preparation for our trip and how that relates to the castle that we’re going to be visiting. And so, right like, we’re kind of weaving in all of these different contexts, to help them enlarge their perspective and to also, you know, certainly see the relevance of the information to the lives that they live in, and there can be a lot of value to that. Okay, so this book is such a great review of motivation, the good, the bad, and the ugly. When used incorrectly, of course, we can really undermine motivation and be driving the wrong behavior. So we want to be wise we absolutely want to understand motivation. But of course, when correctly understood motivation can be powerful both at home, in the classroom and of course at work. So thank you so much for joining me today. As we discuss this book, make sure to head on over to my website to check out the show notes. With all the great resources for this episode, along with my pursue what matters process freebie, so you can outline what matters to you at www.drmelissasmith.com/episode-12. That’s www.drmelissasmith.com/episode-12. My website also has a link to sign up for email updates. So when I release new episodes, that way, you’ll never miss an episode.
Dr. Melissa Smith 48:23
Also, if you’re liking the podcast, please head on over to iTunes and give me a review. It helps other people find me so I sure appreciate your willingness and your time to do that. And of course, on the website with the show notes, I’ve got a really great summary of what I’ve talked about here. And then lots of good links and resources, including book reference and a link to Daniel Pink’s website. Also a link to Daniel Pink’s TED talk on motivation. And of course, like I mentioned, the pursue what matters process freebie that you can download. So I’m Dr. Melissa Smith. Remember love and work, work and love. That’s all there is. Until next time, take good care.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai